May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with optimism and courage. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending. Teach love to those who know hate, and let that love embrace you as you go into the world. May the teaching of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them. Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time in each day to see the beauty and love in the world around you. Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way. What you may feel you lack in one regard may be more than compensated for in another. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience. May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on an other’s judgments of your accomplishments. May you always feel loved.
First of all, a young woman may pursue a relationship with the opposite sex only after she has embraced adulthood and it’s responsibilities. You’re going to be looking for a woman that’s not just beautiful, because she might just have no character whatsoever, but someone who has embraced adulthood. Biblical adulthood, she doesn’t want to be a child. She doesn’t just want to play with her friends. She wants to follow Christ in the context of a family.
The first thing you’ve got to ask yourself—is she mature in the fear of the Lord? Does she fear the Lord?
Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”
Now, I want you to think about that. You can look, and we can say the same thing about young men, but right now we’re talking about young women. Guys, after a while, a beautiful woman without discretion is like a golden ring is a pig’s snout. It will be the most disgusting, vile thing to you. Because literally, as you grow older, your intimacy in the relationship and everything will continue on, it should grow. But the thing about it is, what’s going to keep your marriage together is her character. To be able to talk to you, to be able to share the same things, to be able to invest in something eternal.
She is mature in the fear of the Lord. Also, she recognizes her role as her husband’s help meet to carry out his divine appointment. I know that sounds so wrong, but I’m sorry, that’s why God created Eve after He created Adam, that she would be a help meet.
I want you to look at something. You’ve all probably heard about biblical submission, how the husband is the head of the home. What you need to understand though, is authority is given to a man not to build his kingdom. Authority is given to a man to serve his wife and children. He seeks to lead his wife and his children biblically, for their greatest eternal good.
Now, if a woman believes—a godly girl believes that she is to submit to her husband and she looks over there and all she sees is an immature boy, who does everything for himself, that is a great way of creating bitterness in her heart.
But if she looks over there and sees a husband that his whole focus is this, “Hallowed be Your Name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done.” And he’s using everything he has, all his gifts, his talents, his authority, his place as a husband and father, he’s using it all to bless his wife and children and to bless the church and to bless the world, it’s easy for her to submit to a man like that.
And really, some guys, and I’m not mad at them, but some guys should just say, “I’m not going to marry. I want to be selfish and I want to play with my friends.” Go ahead, do that until your eighty years old. But don’t bring a woman into it!
So, she needs to realize, in Genesis 2:18 it says, “Then the Lord said, the Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Someone who comes along side him, and helps him do the work that God gave him. Not she doesn’t help him become all he can be in this life. She doesn’t help him attain all his selfish goals. She helps him carry out the divine commandments that he’s been given to advance the kingdom of Christ in the world, whether it’s as a missionary or and orthodontist.
He finds his fulfillment in leading. She finds her fulfillment in helping.
Now, something very important that I want you to see. If that young lady does not submit to her father and does not honor her father, she will not submit to you, she will not honor you.
So, it’s one of the things you want to look for. What is her relationship with her father?
She could be a very dignified young lady, but her father is a terrible sinner. So I mean, you need to be very careful here. But if you see a rebellious spirit, which is the boast of people today, run from it. I don’t care how beautiful you think she is, run from it.
You’re wife is going to have to be a caregiver, she’s going to have to be a teacher, discipler, and she’s going to have to be a disciplinarian. If she herself is not disciplined, how is she going to discipline the children? Proverbs 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Most children bring shame to their mother, because their mother does not discipline them. Their father does not discipline them. You live in an age of no discipline and that’s why they run wild. That’s why, in the end, parents end up almost hating their children by the time their children are six years old. Because they do not discipline them.
These are things that you’ve got to think about when you’re going to marry a girl. See most of you, probably if you’re like normal guys, you’re just thinking about “is she pretty, is she nice, do I like being around her?” Look, you’re going to make an enterprise with her. If you’re the boss, a recruiter, or you’re hiring people for a company, you don’t go in and hire somebody because they have a nice personal appearance and you kind of like being around them. You don’t do that. Why? You’re building something that is going to require integrity, talent, ability, everything, on the part of that person. It’s the same way when you’re looking for a wife. You’re not going to sit there and go, “she’s cute.” She may be a moron. She may be so vain, that you couldn’t even begin to even deal with her vanity. She can’t cook, she doesn’t know how to run a house, she knows absolutely nothing.
But see, that’s what they’re taught today. Isn’t it? Most girls are taught, that if you want to be a homemaker, you are a loser. A total loser. If all you want to be is a wife and raise children, you are a loser. You were taught things, and continue to be taught things, that to your grandfather would have be an unspeakable abomination. And you’re taught, and forced to believe every day, “it’s okay.”
If you ever want to read a neat book, it’s “Marriage to a Difficult Man”. It’s about Mrs. Edwards, the wife of Jonathan Edwards. I mean, all that guy did was study. You know he didn’t even know what was going on most of the time. Well, I think their story is told that one time he said, “You know, honey, we’ve got to bring the crops in.”
She said, “Husband, we did that two weeks ago.”
She recognized, that he was given a tremendous gift, unlike very few men that ever lived on the planet. She molded her life around, not him, but what God was doing in him. She recognized that he was one of the greatest Christian scholars that ever walked the planet. And she said, he needs to be locked away in that office thirteen hours a day, or whatever, studying and writing. She took care of everything.
That’s what you’re looking for, guys. That’s what you’re looking for.